


You're just shy, aren't you?

by Shimiannachanga



Category: Der geilste Tag | The Most Beautiful Day (2016)
Genre: Anxiety, Aquariums, Awkward Dates, Chronic Illness, Depression, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Genetic Disorders & Abnormalities, Hospitals, Hugs, M/M, Narcolepsy, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:41:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29361210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shimiannachanga/pseuds/Shimiannachanga
Summary: Just two sick guys secretly in love misunderstanding each other.
Relationships: Andi/Benno (Der geilste Tag)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	You're just shy, aren't you?

**Author's Note:**

> This is a post-movie fic where Andi didn't actually die.

The sun burned the streets as the shadows of the trees froze them. 

It was a morning like any other in Germany and Andi, despite the late hour, was still sleeping rolled up in the darkness of his room wrapped in those horrible hospital's plaid blankets.

The morphine did its part in making him constantly tired but it probably wasn't just that, Andi was sad, or worse, depressed.

Who would like to wake up in the morning and have death on their minds as their first thought?

Benno knew that sleeping was a bit like dying, and dying is disappearing from the worries and anxieties that life carries naturally.

Seeing Andi slowly burn out day after day was breaking his heart in ways he could not even explain. It was no longer a matter of moods, of experiencing life without being afraid of the consequences, but the disease itself that was cruelly eating life out of him. 

Andi barely smiled anymore and coughed more and more frequently.

Benno observed the boy's firm sleeping body, which he often did on mornings when Andi was deep asleep. He looked at the orange lashes, or blonde _whatever_ , the freckles that covered the pale skin and the curly, silky hair. He listened to his heavy breath, a sound so sick that frightened him but which, in a certain way, reassured him because it was the confirmation that he was still alive. _Damn rotten lungs_.

Benno lightly stroked Andi's ears, placing the various strands of hair behind them. 

He was a little sweaty, and Benno couldn't help but wonder if he hadn't panicked during the night, the very thought brought a pang to his already messy heart. 

He still remembers Andi's frightened face that night in Africa, his crying plea, same as an helpless child, afraid of his own breathing and loneliness.

Benno had held him steady in his arms for a few moments before attempting one of his extraordinary anti-panic methods..

Andi suddenly coughed awakening Benno from his daydreaming.

He jumped up and opened the curtains letting in the powerful rays of sunlight that landed on the face of the asleep.

"Get up! It's already half past eleven, come look at how beautiful the sun is today." He invited him.

The boy squinted his eyes without opening them and made a strangled moan as he turned away from the light in his face.

"Close.." he said laboriously without the hint of a greeting.

Benno forced a smile and took a breath. He had to be _strong_.

"It's a beautiful day, perfect for a walk." He insisted.

He walked over to the bed and pulled the blankets off that frail body and slowly began to shake his shoulder with two fingers (he had to be light, lately every little thing was causing him bruises).

"Andi, wake up" he sighed in his ear in a lower, less playful tone. 

Andi was clearly in pain but having him stay in bed certainly wouldn't make him feel any better, after all Benno knew that when they went out he always ended up having at least a little fun. They did lots of bullshit together..

Andi, still facing the wall, covered his head with the blankets in a very petty way.

"Get up for God's sake!" 

Benno had had enough of his tantrums and removed the sheets in a single blow, getting another annoyed grunt.

"I'm sleepy.." he justified himself.

"I know.. that's why you have to move, so you can finally wake up."

Andi didn't like taking risks, he was too afraid to jump in and follow what his heart really wanted.

He was a bit like a snail, slow to get out but quick to re-enter its shell. 

Benno smiled at the thought of an Andi-snail.

"You can't stay holed up here all day, let's go have breakfast." 

Benno always said the same things every morning, hoping that one day Andi would want to get up on his own but it was never like that. He knew he was only going to grow sadder hereafter.

"No, let me-" a cough "stay here." he tightened even more on himself. 

He was probably cold without his beloved blankets. 

_This is not working_ , Benno thought.

He laid down next to Andi, sticking his head in the hollow between his neck and shoulder. His warm chest resting on Andi's cold back and his arms stroking the sides of his thin, shivering body. 

"I can think of something that maybe could wake you up, _my sweet princess_ .." 

Andi choked on his breath for a few seconds as he realized the meaning of those words. His feet (palms resting on Benno's knees) shook with surprise and ended up squeezing the fabric of the trousers with his thumbs.

Benno had to restrain himself not to laugh at that extremely adorable reaction. 

Andi was far too pure and innocent for even a simple kiss.

A brush of lips was enough to turn him into a Sicilian pepper, but that wasn't bad _at all_. 

Benno _liked_ that hot pink that painted Andi's cheeks every time he talked about love, feelings and intimate things, it was a color that suited him, ironically full of life. 

It was undeniable that Andi knew very little about the whole subject but he was very curious, being closed half of his life in hospitals he had only heard about love in films, books and pop songs. 

When Benno asked him during a car ride what kind of person he would like to fall in love with, he shyly replied "I don't care what they look like, I just want them to be able to find me as interesting as my father found that stupid Mozart's half-break interesting."

Oh, it had been so sweet when he said that. 

His eyes were looking forward to the streets, feigning disinterest in the conversation, ashamed of his inexperience in front of Benno who instead, according to him, was an expert (even if not the best one, remember Mona ...).

His fingers had started hopping on the invisible piano that was in his right leg. His nervousness visible from miles away.

"Andi, you're not a half-break, anyone would find you interesting." 

To that sort of... compliment? Andi's ears, loosely hidden by his golden hair and scarf, caught fire. He didn't expect it, it was as if Benno had indirectly told him that he found him an _interesting_ person. He genuinely didn't know what to say. 

_Not good with compliments huh_ , Benno had noted. 

"If you weren't locked up in your room all day, maybe you would be that for me too.." Benno added to break the awkward tension.

Andi had laughed trying to distract himself from the leap his heart had just made. 

During the rest of the journey they kept a peaceful lovely silence.

"I'm seriously going to do it." 

Benno couldn't see his face but he knew Andi heard him. 

Slowly and carefully he slipped his arm into the shirt and with his warm palms stroked the bare skin in search of soft curves. 

"What are you doing!?" Andi screamed-whispered without turning around and squeezed Benno's hand to keep him from continuing, which turned out pretty useless given his constant state of weakness. 

Benno's hand covered an entire pectoral and without being gentle pinched the still soft nipple. 

"Hic -!" He yelled as if someone had put ice in his underwear. 

Andi's heartbeat was so strong and fast that they both felt it. As soon as he noticed it, he banged his head mortified in the fluffy pillow.

 _Adorable_.

"D-don't-" _cough_ "-play those games with me!" 

Benno was still gripping his wrists.

He dropped his hand out of the crumpled shirt and stroked the back of Andi's red ear closest to him. He purred like a little newborn cat. 

"Look, I'm not joking, really- stop it." 

Andi was tired, Benno understood that much but he felt as if there was something else. _Excitement_ maybe?

After massaging well the skin of the cartilage, he moved the tip of his index finger towards the auditory hole and pushed it inside making Andi jump. 

_I'm going to kiss you now_.

A kind of muffled cough from the pillow below brought Benno back to reality. 

"Okay! I'll get up but take that hand away, heck that is disgusting!" 

Andi calmly sat down at the foot of the bed and wore his slippers, snorting. They were pink with a cringey Winnie the Pooh character drawn. 

_Child's tastes_ , Benno thought. 

Andi put a hand close to his heart, where Benno had touched him, to steady his breathing. 

Benno, who got up from the bed, remained motionless to observe Andi's back as he covered himself with a blue navy robe.

Once he turned their eyes met and Benno instinctively smiled. 

"Good morning to you too Snow White."

Andi made a disapproving face. 

"It's the sleeping beauty, you just can't remember it, we look alike too. Both blondes!" He said pointing to his unkempt hair. 

"At least you're up now." another creepy smile. 

_Are you stupid? Stop smiling as soon as he looks at you!_

"Yeah."

Andi no longer seemed tired as much as before and his cheeks had taken on a beautiful color, still his expression always remained sad. 

"You sweated a bucket last night, you should take a bath." 

Andi saw the halo of sweat that had formed in his chest. He immediately felt embarrassed and hastily closed his robe, nodding his head. 

"I'm going with you." Benno added nonchalantly. 

Andi's eyes widened. It had happened before, taking baths together, but that was before everything changed, before _he_ changed..

Starting from the fact that the morning is a very difficult time for the private parts of any man, and adding the touches and caresses, and the physical contact of a few minutes before that Andi was certainly not used to .. the situation got complicated. 

"It's no use, I can do it." 

He prayed to God that Benno wouldn't ask him questions. _Please, please_. 

"Nonsense, two is faster." 

Benno took the black backpack that contained the oxygen cylinder to which Andi's respirator was attached.

Andi almost stumbled back. Obviously nervous. 

"No, I can do it alone." he said with a smile that was supposed to be reassuring. 

"Stop complaining." Benno took him by the shoulders and pushed him hard into the bathroom. Andi didn't have the strength to physically rebel but he tried anyway. 

"I'll do it myself!" 

Benno shaked his head, he was wary and that was actually pretty understandable. Andi had to be supervised during bath times, the tubes could accidentally get filled with water or worse. He surely didn't want him to die for being careless.

Benno sat him down on the white marble toilet seat and began to undress him with difficulty. 

"Wait wait!" Andi screamed as he pulled his clothes tighter. Benno looked at him in disbelief. 

"What's up?" He snorted. 

Andi bit his lip thinking of an acceptable excuse. His eyes went left and right. 

_Found it_.

"I peed on myself.." _Still better than the truth,_ he thought.

Benno made a face. 

"Didn't felt that before."

"You were behind me!"

"So what? Who cares, just stop complaining and take off your pants." 

He had been direct and quick as if he hadn't thought twice about answering. It was in these moments that Andi wondered who the hell Benno really was. 

_Doesn't it make you sick? Don't I make you sick? Look at me, I am..._

"But it's embarassing..." he sighed trying to distract himself from the umpteenth unstoppable beat of his heart. 

Benno looked at him with tenderness. His best friend's body was different from two months ago: the rib cage was more noticeable, the muscles had diminished and small bruises dotted his arms. It was as if his body was eating itself.

"You lost weight again." To the latter, Benno strongly stripped him of the last remaining clothes, his underwear, surprising Andi. 

"No! Time out! Time-" 

He did not even have time to finish the word that he was already naked. In front of him, a surprised Benno. 

_Oh no_.

Silence said it all, it was yet another embarrassing situation.

Andi slipped off Benno's motionless hand from his thigh and brought his knees to his chest. His gaze was low between his legs. Andi narrowed his eyes as if he were experiencing a nightmare and covered his face with both arms. His breathing had become heavy with the stinging knot that had formed down his throat.

He was shaking and his eyes had started to get wet, problem was that once Andi started crying he could not stop. Before long, the tiny drops of salt water had become streams that irrigated freckle plantations. The cold of the bathroom (and not only) gave him goosebumps, sobs hurt his throat and in all this he felt a wave of hot steam all over his face.

He had always been ashamed of his body but more than anything else of his privates. When an erection happened to him he tried not to think about it, on the contrary, to forget about that part of himself. His adolescence hadn't been easy, shy and without friends he had never talked about it to anyone, hell, he didn't even know if it was normal.

At first he thought he was sick ( _what a joke, right?_ ) but over time he realized that it actually happened to everyone. In any case, it was something he couldn't stand because it made him feel extremely lonely and out of control. 

No one had ever seen it, that is, the doctors and nurses did, but not in _that_ way. Why did his best friend, the person he cared about the most, had to see that disgusting side of him?

Just the thought was making him cry hard, and believe it or not he was shocked by his own reactions too and prayed that Benno wouldn't notice his mental instability of the moment (too late). 

"Andi, I..." Benno carefully placed a clean towel over his shoulders that was propped against the tub. It was warm and smelled of chamomile.

"Get out!" Andi yelled without lifting his face from his arms. 

Benno looked hurt, but not offended, just sad because he had made Andi cry. 

"Andi I'm sorry I didn't think about- .. but it's not something to be ashamed of." He got up and turned on the tap to fill the tub with hot water and slowly walked out of the bathroom.

"I'll check on you from here" he closed the door. 

It took time the for the tub to fill to make Andi stop crying. 

. . . . . .

The rest of the morning was filled with silence. The patients in the hospital, who were all old of age, immediately noticed the cold waters. Why wasn't Andi choking with laugh? Why wasn't Benno screaming and cursing? Why was there .. peace and tranquility?

Sitting at the tables in the hospital cafeteria, Benno tried to break the silence with dad jokes, he wanted to see something similar to a smile appear on Andi's face, but nothing worked.

Andi was sulking while reading a stupid journal about African lions. 

Raising a wall between him and Benno were Andi's trashy sunglasses and medical mask. Benno hated people who covered their eyes because it became difficult for him to decipher them. Eyes are the heart of the soul, right?

"Andi, for the last time, I already apologized! What do you want me to do?"

Andi lowered his glasses and newspaper to glare at him. His eyebrows were raised.

Before approaching, Andi checked the surroundings as if he was going to do some top-secret shit, and the people (who worried had been spying on them from the start) whirled around as if nothing had happened. 

"I want you to graduate in neuroscience and find a way to self-erase your memory," he said softly.

How much humiliated must he still feel? 

"Andi, you're too prude, it's just a dick-" Andi snapped his mouth shut and without looking at him whispered. "Don't say that word, don't say it! ..we are in the cafeteria and there are elderly people! Elderly, Benno!" his cheeks reddish again and his eyes glossy.

Andi's hand trembled on Benno's lips. It smelled like orange. Benno fell silent, he was too concentrated by that contact that he found himself smiling automatically, his gaze sought that of Andi who was instead lost in his sermon.

Before, Benno had wanted to scream at him that there was nothing to be ashamed of, that he was an adult and that behaving like this was childish but now... watching that wimpy boy always tired and depressed fidget for so little melted his heart. Andi was perfect even when he was childish, prude and a huge drama queen and Benno loved him for that, a lot...Although it was difficult to define at what level because Benno had decided to put a stop to that situation. He didn't want to waste time asking questions while he was afraid of the answers. When it came to love he was the one who was afraid to risk.

He didn't want to spoil the beauty between them for a stupid mistake. Platonic friendship was still better than nothing, right?

The morning walks, the bullshit, the arguments, the hugs, the car rides, the panic attacks, the tears, the existential crises, the laughs, the red cheeks, the freckles and the sunscreen ...were more than enough and Benno would not trade them for anything in the world. 

When Benno woke up and his first thought was always Andi, when he fell asleep and among the many things and worries his last thought was still Andi.

Every day it grew inside him and spread through his heart, infecting his mind, _like a_ _brain cancer_. 

"- Do you understand? There is something called privacy and consent, you're lucky I'm not a woman because then- you know, it would've been bad..."

Andi was so deep into his world of drama that he didn't realize he still had his hand smashed on Benno's face. Benno, on the other hand, was inside his world made up of Andi and that hand was all too much present.

"So repeat with me, what do you do when a person does not want to undress in front of you?"

He looked deeply into his eyes as if the answer he would give would be the final verdict, that is, forgiveness or no forgiveness. Benno couldn't handle the "seriousness" of the situation, Andi was treating him like a serial rapist for a rather funny incident, so he decided to take revenge with a clever move. 

"Benno are you even listening to me- Ew!"

After Benno had licked his salty palm, Andi, with a disgusted and confused face, retracted his arm with such speed that he unbalanced his chair and ended up losing his balance. His eyes looked like soccer balls, they were extra open, but what wasn't extra when it came to Andi?

He would have fallen to the ground if Benno hadn't pulled him from his arm in time. 

Breathless, Andi spoke again. 

"I just gave you a speech about the.." 

Benno raised an eyebrow and smiled at him tenderly. Andi looked at him dazed, his curls were vaguely disheveled and his chapped lips (with some skins even) parted as if he didn't know what to say.

Benno's hand was still holding Andi's arm, but not same as before, to keep him from falling, no, it was more his warm hand resting on his cold wrists. In words they did not always understand each other but with gestures...it was quite another story.

"You know what, just forget it.." Andi sighed pretending to be distracted once again, as if their gazes were not revealing everything, as if he didn't want to stay that way until the near moment of his death. 

Another somersault of his internal organs made him take the initiative to break the contact but without success because the more he moved, the more Benno's hand stretched. 

_Don't look at me like that, please_.

Benno began to trace every small mark and grain of his wrist with little pressure from time to time. He seemed very interested in those weak and almost useless arms as no one had ever been. 

Andi fell in a feverish state as he watched Benno's fingers. They were longer and stronger than his, with calluses due to bending, rough as they were able to sting wherever they touched.

Andi meant to say something like Why? Or What do you want to tell me with this? and What does it mean? But he was afraid, as per usual.

"..Benno?" 

Benno continued with his finger play without giving away any sign of having heard Andi's insecure voice. 

"Your hands are strangely warm." he stroked his palm and slowly carried it close to his mouth. 

Andi swallowed air, his cheeks slightly flushed. He inhaled. 

"They smell very good too, you know? Like orange juice." 

When Benno spoke, puffs of hot air rubbed against Andi's bare hands. A cold shiver ran down his back causing him to arch. His nipples stiffened and he felt like he was tight in his own skin. His clothes, which were always too light, had grown heavy, warm and tight. He lacked air. 

"The hospital soap is not that good, what do you use? And look at those pink nails .." 

Andi's lungs were in such shock that he hyperventilated. 

He felt that if he wouldn't stop that too pleasant feeling of Benno's touch in time he would pass out instantly. At the mere thought of the pathetic scene, he felt shame rise to his cheeks. He mentally slapped himself so that he could wake up from the feverish and embarrassed state he was and brought his hand under the table above his thigh which was momentarily occupied by a nervous tic.

"It's - it's the soap my grandmother gives me for Christmas...nothing amazing." he coughed, clearing his throat. 

Benno smoothed a strand of hair from his sweaty forehead. 

"I kind of want to meet your grandmother, she seems nice."

"Benno don't do these things please, I .." 

He moved his face away from that dangerous caress. He could see another stupid smile. 

"What things?" He asked, ignoring the atmosphere as he slipped a shortbread cookie from the tray into his mouth. 

"..You know what" Andi sighed exhausted. 

Andi didn't really understand this enigmatic side of Benno that came out every now and then, maybe he wanted to annoy him? But with that mesmerizing look it was hard to believe.

"No I really don't." his mouth was full. 

It's true, most of the time they understood each other even without words, a glance was enough for him, a pat on the shoulder .. But when Benno acted like a great romantic, he felt disconnected, anxious, and was afraid that it was all a joke, as if so far he had misinterpreted his actions because ,after all, love was a minefield for both of them.

Andi decided to give up, but not before a small revenge.

"Oww!" After kicking him in the balls he pulled up his sunglasses like a real diva and smiled as he drove the hospital scooter to the exit. 

Benno's cocky smirk had been wiped off from his face. Mission accomplished. 

"Andi!" 

"Let's see if you can make up for it because I haven't forgiven you yet!" 

Truth to be said, he had already forgotten about the incident.

. . . . .

After breakfast Benno took Andi out for a _walk_. 

"Oh shit!" 

Before they could walk through the exit door, the scooter froze. Andi nervously pressed the various buttons, nothing to do, he was already exhausted. 

"Damn thing!" He threw a punch. 

All this nervousness was not like him, normally these small hitches did not disturb him but this day had not started on the right way. 

"Calm down, let's borrow a wheelchair." Benno, who tried to reassure him, was already on his way to the secretareria.

There was a beautiful woman, about forty, who was writing something on the computer. He will need to play it well, asking for a wheelchair on Sunday was not easy... Andi snorted as he saw Benno's figure go away.

"You know that means you have to push me right?" 

"Sure." Benno said without tearing his eyes off the woman who was filling out a loan form. 

Andi no longer knew what to do to make Benno understand that he was in a bad mood, for some reason he had a sort of desire to fight.

He felt as if he hadn't been able to make himself be heard, hadn't been able to explain himself, to tell Benno why his touches put him in a difficult position. He felt stupid in comparison, yes, he was complicated (he had never had who knows how much self-esteem) but with Benno it always happened what he was afraid to happen. Getting carried away.

So, at the moment Andi felt the duty to comment on everything in a negative way, even Benno had to understand the frustration he was feeling! 

When the woman brought Benno the chair, he thanked her with one of his seductive smiles and greeted her with a joke, he had even learned her name. Andi instinctively snorted.

Benno arranged the chair by opening it and Andi, paying attention to the oxygen tanks, sat down. Andi shook his butt more than he should've to pretend he was testing the comfort. 

"It's not that bad." he reported to Benno who hopelessly shook his head and started pushing towards the exit gate.

While dragging Andi around, Benno felt the lightness of Andi's body. He was frightened but he tried to hide his anxieties to not to make his friend nervous again. 

"Do you like the hospital garden?" He asked to break the ice.

There was a large garden that coiled around the sides of the structure which featured flowers of every shade of yellow and beautifully huge plants and trees. A nice place Benno had grown fond of if he was to be honest. 

After a little thought Andi answered a yes with confidence.

"I never thought there could be a hospital like this, it's really nice compared to others I've been to." he added. 

It had been ten years that his lungs had betrayed him and this had led him to visit hospitals too consistently.

Each year he was transferred to a new facility or department to try new treatments with doctors supposedly "better" than the previous ones. But by the time he was thirty-seven he had found himself without a warm place called home, without a family, children and a career. He had wasted his life hoping to have one.

The desire to have a home had slowly dissolved along with everything else, he grew tired of daydreaming and being disappointed with the exam results every single time, he knew for sure that he was doomed to an early death and that it would probably happen in the place he was at the time, with Benno.

"You must have seen lots of them I guess." Benno said while walking, the weight of those words could not be heard in his voice.

"Several, but I'm actually very happy with this one." he smiled wistfully, he meant it seriously. 

"Oh yeah? I wouldn't have used the word happy at all..." It was a kind of joke that didn't make either of them laugh.

"Well, this is where I'll die after all."

Benno squinted, the thought of a future without Andi was still hurting him, even if he had accepted it that didn't absolutely mean he liked it. He hated it when Andi spoke of death, it closed his heart in a vice and it was one of the saddest things in the world.

Andi coughed to defuse by interrupting Benno's thoughts.

"So where are you taking me today? What's your plan?"

"Surprise." 

Although it was a surprise neither of them seemed excited about it, quite the contrary to be sincere.

Anything that made Andi happy before was now simply exhausting. He soon realized that as an adult it was hard to be happy. 

They walked for fifteen minutes under the the shade of the trees on the smooth pavements. There were no people around, only Benno, Andi and the sound of the creaking wheels of the wheelchair. Except for a few cars that wandered around every now and then and some ugly birds croaking, Sunday mornings were always quiet, and almost relaxing. 

Benno would have liked to walk side by side with Andi, holding him by the hand, without being afraid of getting burned by the rays of the sun passing through the holes in the leaves. He wanted him to feel the fresh morning air, the trees and the smog, the grass and the pebbles..

After the peaceful walk, as per the appointment book, they had come to an Aquarium. It was a fairly small old building with dull blue walls decorated with fake starfishes, it was basically an Aquarium for trips for elementary school children.

It certainly wasn't the best one in Germany but it was the closest to the hospital. 

"Is this the surprise? An aquarium?" Andi's voice was held back by the mask. Benno rolled his eyes even though he couldn't be seen. 

"Yes, and it's a place where sunglasses and masks are not allowed" from behind he took off his glasses before Andi could react (well, he was a snail look alike so..). Benno was terribly annoyed, he wanted to see his blue eyes and cute freckles.

"Have you ever been there?" He asked returning to the subject of Aquarius. Andi did not even stop to think, the answer was ready and perhaps even obvious.

"No."

Yes, Benno had had a feeling.

The aquarium has always been a place where engaged couples met, it was the typical German custom and if Andi hadn't been there, he also probably never had an appointment. 

"And on a date?" He threw water on the fire with malice.

"Don't ask me shit like that, it makes me feel awful." he complained, admitting the truth without restraint. Benno knew everything about him, what was the point of hiding it?

"Then today is perfect, two birds with one stone." 

Bomb dropped Benno went to the ticket office leaving behind him a speechless Andi.

Without glasses Andi's perplexity was very evident and not only were his bulbs about to detach from his face but his cheeks were bright red. 

I want my glasses back, he thought. 

Stupid Benno, whenever he was about to reveal something throbbing to him he would suddenly get distracted.

Andi felt incredibly stupid to think that those actions were hiding a deeper meaning. Was it all a joke to Benno? 

"Okay, let's go."

. . . . .

"Wow I didn't know there were penguins too." Andi said smiling. 

It had only taken two tanks of tropical fishes to get him through the muzzle, after all Andi remained a person as simple as a child. Benno was happy, not about the fishes he had frankly seen a lot of times, but because he had the chance to observe an Andi, that colored by the blue neon lights, was shining and smiling.

"You like them?" Benno asked honestly curious. 

"Mm.. I don't know if I like them but they are like celebrities, I always see them on TV but when will I ever meet them? Also, they are pretty funny." 

It made sense, Benno nodded and stood looking at the penguins with more interest than before, the reflections of the water blinded his eyes.

He stroked Andi's earlobe and smoothed his hair as he used to secretly do when he was still asleep. Andi blushed. 

"Soon there will be show with seals, they are not dolphins nor penguins but they are not bad and we can also buy food." as he spoke he pushed the wheelchair.

Andi turned and his eyes lit up, his curiosity and even his appetite had returned. Just by looking at his eyes Benno thought everything was worth it.

They bought four hot dogs coated in mustard and ketchup (three for Benno and one for Andi), a beer and a light coke. Andi struggled to eat fast food (especially if bought in a public place), his digestive system was weak and burned with little so Benno took a paper towel to remove the sauces. 

"Here you go." he had offered it to him.

A few minutes after the start of the show Benno fainted (due to narcolepsy) and woke up only at the end when all the spectators and Andi clapped their hands hard. He supposed Andi hadn't even noticed, his gaze was fixed on the pool, too focused on the dancing seals.

Benno stretched and settled back on the plastic chair, sliding an arm over Andi's to touch his shoulders.

"So? How was it?" 

"It was amazing." 

Andi replied turning to him with a sparkling smile, he seemed really happy with that poor show and that made Benno happy too, he thought he would pay millions to have the same shit again.

Andi rested his head on Benno's arm naturally, both were not ashamed, they were calm and at peace with each other. Benno stroked Andi's neck and started making mental plans on how they would spend the evening.

"Excuse me, can we sit here?"

A girl with short brown hair had stopped in front of them, next to her a blonde woman with a dark lipstick winked at them. The girls were definitely attractive and dressed a little too sexy for the place.. you could tell they weren't there to observe the Portuguese jellyfishes and that was quite bizarre as it was more a hangout place for couples and kids than hookers. Benno' smile turned into a hostile grimace.

"S-Sure" Andi stammered shyly, gesturing with his hands to sit down to the two girls. The girls smiled and when they sat down they continuied to look at them in a very subtle way. Andi, even if quite the ignorant of the subject, had understood the intention that was underneath all that glance game and pretended nothing was happening (probably to look cool in Benno's eyes) but his red complexion said it all.

Without those ridiculous sunglasses Andi's handsome face was in plain sight, probably drawing the attention of the entire Aquarius. 

"My name's Lydia, nice to meet ya'." 

The girl with the bob held out her hand, she had a shiny purple nail polish. Benno waved his eyebrows at Andi to urge him to do something and Andi responded with a shy smile.

He was strangely confused, he didn't feel as happy as he thought he would've of this encounter. A similar event, where a boy and a girl get to know each other at an Aquarius (almost like in a movie) had always been one of his many scattered dreams. Yet, the only thing he felt was fear that Benno was attracted to one of them and that he would end up falling in love. Yes he knew he was being a little too rushed but those were the effects of his anxiety!

Benno, on the other hand, was no better off, his thinking was the same as Andi's but he had a different approach, he didn't want to hinder his friend's adolescent desires because of his selfishness, after all he didn't know what Andi thought of him. 

The awkward silence filled the air between the two friends, both in denial, but the girls didn't seem to have noticed.

Andi had been taken aback, he never happened to have someone try flirting with him, after a few seconds of silence spent thinking about Benno he woke up and replied.

"A-Andi nice to meet you!" 

He reached out to squeeze the girl's hand and his shaking elbow collided with the coke in his lap making him spread it. 

Benno slapped his own face. _His usual awkwardness this time too.._

Andi turned all red and started stammering apologies, the girls looked at him sympathetically and offered him handkerchiefs to dry. The brunette, who seemed to have decided to continue with the catch, approached Andi and began to rub the cola off his lower belly in a sensual way.

She went up and down looking at him in the eye from time to time. 

Benno tried to keep himself from throwing her to the ground, just because she was a woman didn't mean she could touch him however she liked! If the situation had been reversed then it would have been very very different..

His attempt to not look jealous was not much, his smile was scary coupled with arched eyebrows and a vein in his head that threatened to explode. 

"Later we are going for a drink, want to come?-" 

The blonde was interrupted by Benno, who stood up and put on Andi's oxygen backpack and tucked the folded wheelchair under his arm.

"The coke will never go away like this, let's go to the bathroom." 

To Andi it seemed more an order than a suggestion but he got up anyway and thanking the two beautiful girls, he reached Benno who had his back to him. He seemed angry and that worried him. 

_I_ _only spilled some coke_ .. he mentally justified himself, _It's not that serious!_

They walked hastily until they reached the bathrooms, here Benno, without paying attention, threw himself in with Andi, making the door slam. Andi opened his eyes which he had closed in fright, his back was straight resting on the cold white tiles of the wall. Benno, after locking the key turned and his powerful gaze pierced that of Andi who, frightened, did not know what to say.

Benno's face was angry, smoke seemed to come out of his ears. Instinctively Andi covered his chest with his arms, at that moment he needed some kinf of shield. 

"Benno, you're scaring me.." 

He was agitated and suspicious. He was afraid but between the two of them there was an inexplicable understanding and deep down he knew that Benno wouldn't hurt him, _really hurt him_ , but he was worried anyway.

Benno slowly approached and Andi tried to back away but only managed to move to his right. His eyes turned from all sides for fear of meeting those of Benno who instead seemed to be cutting him alive. He did not know what he would do if he looked at him, he felt his legs abandon him and his palms sweating. He was afraid Benno might read the truth in his face, the truth they both knew but were too coward to pursue. 

"You…" Benno said with a grunt. Andi shivered in anticipation. 

"That girl is hitting on you, do you understand?" 

Silence. 

"..Eh?"

Benno sighed, looking away and walking away slowly, his eyebrows were still raised.

"Get it together man! You have the chance to make one of your dreams come true, today, right here, you can't spill some coke on yourself!" 

Andi made a face in confusion. Did Benno want him to go out with that woman? He felt a pang in his heart, he was disappointed, all the feeling of the previous moments had vanished. _So I really misinterpreted Benno._

"But...I don't want to go out with her." He said in a low tone of voice, his eyes tingling but nevertheless he fixed his gaze on Benno's. Benno was visibly confused.

"And why in the world would you not want to?"

Benno was genuinely interested in the answer. The pain of disappointment increased second by second. 

"Because I just don't like it." 

Andi was getting nervous.

"You can't say it without knowing her! I'm tired of you being so passive, for once do what you really fucking want!" 

Even though it was painful to push Andi into a woman's arms, Benno felt that as a friend he owed that to him. He loved Andi and he knew that Andi loved him but… he loved _loved him_ , and it was different. He was afraid that love would make him selfish, he was afraid of not being able to give Andi a love experience worthy of his life before leaving.

"But I'm doing what I want! I'll never go out with her, do you understand?" Andi burst out with tears in his eyes. He started sobbing which was even more painful with his lungs condition. In embarrassment, he violently began to rub his tears with his arm. 

_Why are you crying Andi?_ Benno was cross. 

"Look, I'm just saying you might at least get to know her… wasn't it something you've always wanted? I'm just trying to be a good friend here." 

Andi removed his arm from his face, Benno saw redness and the faintest layer of sweat on his skin. They looked at each other intensely and Benno stroked his ear as he used to do but this time Andi didn't let him, he slapped his hand, he was angry. 

"I don't understand.."

Andi looked up and looked into his eyes with determination, a tear was still falling but it was not weakness. He opened his mouth slowly as if he were about to pull out something heavy and unspeakable. 

"Benno, you're an idiot." 

Immediately after saying what he had to, Andi dodged to reach the door, Benno was confused and lost in thought but this didn't stop him from reacting. He pulled him by the wrist.

"Andi, wait-"

"No! Why are you always like this!?" Andi didn't turn, he didn't want to see Benno or be seen by him.

"What do you mean I- Explain yourself! I can't understand what's wrong if you don't say it clearly!"

With the little strength he had left, Andi pushed Benno against the wall, violently placing his palms on his shoulders. 

"You said..." he paused to find the right words. 

"You said it was a date." 

His voice was fragile.

"I was hoping for it .. I know it's wrong and strange and maybe even disgusting but.."

Andi was stopped by a sob and a cough and when he realized he wasn't going to stop he sank his forehead into Benno's chest, covering himself.

Benno was shocked by the sincerity of those words, to him it seemed that Andi did not fully understood what he had just declared. 

"Y-You made fun of me!" At that broken sentence Benno was struck by the realization.

Andi was trembling and sobbing, he had always been fragile and weak but nothing had ever destroyed him as much as his love for Benno, the pain he felt in just thinking of a possible rejection was far worse than any lung collapse. 

Benno squeezed him tightly and wrapped him in his arms, but Andi didn't want to and tried to push him with his hands without success. 

When Andi finally stopped rebelling Benno buried his chin in his messy blonde hair and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

_I really am an idiot .._

Despite the anger Andi closed his eyes letting himself be carried away by that warmth he had dreamed of so much. 

They hugged each other until Andi's breathing settled, then Benno stroked his hair and pulled it off his forehead. 

Andi looked up and Benno saw his freckles.

 _Fuck_.

Before Andi could start complaining Benno put his lips on his. 

It was unexpected for both of them, slow and at the same time fast, chaste but sensual, a delicate rubbing between two dry lips, like a peck between two children.

After a few seconds Benno, sober once again, slowly parted their lips and Andi, without delay pursued him with his face without reaching him.

Benno looked at Andi as if he was a painting, his eyes half closed, his feverish gaze, his pink and shiny cheeks, and his beautiful lips slightly open as if they were just waiting to be violated again. 

In front of that divine work Benno did not hold back, he flung himself on him like a wolf who had not eaten for days and while he devoured his lips, tongue and palate his hands went to strongly support the cheeks and neck of Andi. 

Andi unconsciously pushed back against Benno's tongue, thighs shaking and trembling with every stroke of tongue. 

Andi was flexible as a piece of clay and, although he hated his lack of resistance in front of those kisses and the ease with which he was easily carried, in that instant he decided to do what his heart told him.

When Benno licked his tongue and bit his lower lip, Andi couldn't help but groan. 

The erotic sound made him uncomfortable, he felt ashamed of himself, his cheeks even more fiery, but Benno, foreseeing his fears, distracted him with another wet kiss, and then feeling that Andi's sick breathing had become too heavy to be safe he decided to reluctantly abandon his lips to spread butterfly kisses and hickeys on his neck wanting to claim him for the rest of his life. 

He was breathing heavily, back arching up beautifully, and his whimpers and moans became insistent. 

Benno could feel how Andi's body softened in his hands. 

"B-Benno.." 

Andi prayed with his head back, his body bent to create a friction with Benno's knee. He was out of breath but he didn't care, he wanted it, he wanted Benno's mouth to ravage his.

Benno listened to his sweet moans like they were music, he then bit the back of his ear and then sucked it rigorously.

Every point he touched was like an electrical discharge to which Andi could not stop. His body moved by itself in search of a warmth and a pleasure never experienced before. 

Gently Benno parted their bodies, the hot contact immediately lacking for both of them. 

He took Andi's face with his rough hands and lifted his half-lidded gaze to find his eyes, catching the glassy blue already soaked with tears of pleasure. 

"I love you Andi." Benno was extremely sincere and serious. 

Andi, who had yet to recover from those kisses, looked at him enchanted and fascinated by the sweet words, with shyness and a trembling hand he caressed his cheek. 

Benno buried his face in those orange-scented palms and slowly approached to regain the lost steamy air between their mouths. 

Before capturing those warm, mesmerizing lips again, Andi smiled nervously. 

_Come on you have to tell him too.._

"Benno, I also-" 

A sudden weight stopped Andi from continuing, Benno's entire body was on him, and Andi, a whimpering hot mess, was struggling to support him. 

"-Love you.." his voice came out breathy.

He was confused and a little disappointed but also kind of relieved because, even thought Benno passionedly said he loved him he still feared misunderstandings and rejections. 

Why did Benno always fell asleep at the worst times? 

Andi smiled bitterly and slowly dropped to his knees with Benno's head in his shoulder being careful not to make any sudden movements. 

Side by side, an unconscious Benno and an exhausted Andi were laying on the dirty floor until a slightly worried cleaning lady called for them.

. . . . .

Andi was sitting on the sofa in his room watching Benno rest in his bed. 

He listened to his breathing and watched his chest swell and deflate rythmically and wondered if Benno had ever watched him sleep as he was doing now. He knew he probably did.

When he heard Benno grunt, Andi jumped.

"Aww shit."

Benno opened his eyes after squeezing them a couple of times to make them focus and sat down on the bed with his back against the wall. 

"Andi." He said confused, he was probably trying to remember what had happened to him. 

Andi couldn't look him directly in the face, only a quarter of his body was turned in his direction, he was too embarassed about what had happened at the aquarium. 

Benno seemed to remember the reason why he was being weird and lazily laughed.

"Andi." he said again with smile as serene as a half moon, sincere and definetly not too much. 

"Come here." he patted the space on the mattress near him. 

Andi blushed and mumbled something senseless and incomprehensible even for himself, then turned to Benno but when he found himself in the presence of his loving gaze, like the cute snail that he was, he turned again and hurriedly re-entered his shell. 

"I-I need to call the doctor." 

He wanted to leave but Benno's arm held him back, something that always happened but which for Andi was always unexpected and too unpredictable.

"Please?" 

Benno knew how to trap him and force him to face every single thing, this was one of his many scary talents, but a please? was different from how he usually did things. 

It looked like as if Benno needed a security too, the certainty that Andi loved him as much as he did.

Please tell me you want to be here with me too.. 

His voice was gentle and intimate and Andi could only listen to it as if it were the magic pied piper. 

"Well..o-ok." 

Andi sat down next to Benno with robotic movements, unfocused eyes and leaving some cold space between them. 

Andi was agitated, his body looked like a piece of hard metal and his lips curved in a very strange smile, he didn't know what to do, what to say but Benno was more than happy to look at his anxious state because in a certain way it meant that he cared, it meant that he did love him. 

Benno laughed and before Andi could say something about it he hugged him bringing his face close to his. 

"Closer." another laugh and another warm stroke on his shoulders. Their foreheads were nearly touching. 

Benno twisted his arm in his back through the shirt, he could touch his spine through the tight skin, could feel how much it trembled for want and desire. The stiffness completely gone.

He was small in his embrace, every part of his body was soft and covered in clear freckles and it was perfect and pure. 

Andi watched Benno as he caressed his body preciously with his fingers tapping gently on every curve as his eyes looked at him through all the time. He felt treasured and his body could not melt more. 

Benno kissed him tenderly on the pink cheek and Andi took the initiative to hug him back and placing his entire face near his, loving every moment of it. 

Benno looked shocked, and happy, but mostly shocked by Andi's sweet response.

"You are just shy, aren't you?" 

"Y-yeah." 

Andi buried himself in Benno sweater hugging him tigthly. He closed his eyes while hearing the speed of his heart beat like a lullaby. 

"I wanted to take you to dinner but this is way better." whispered Benno while peacefully stroking his soft hair. Andi nodded embarassed, he understands now.

Then, Benno stopped.

"I love you, _if that wasn't clear enough_ , but..you dont have to." 

Andi looked at him confused. _What?_

"I know I'm your best friend, hell probably your _only_ friend-"

Andi gave him a dirty look.

"-but you dont need to feel pressured, if you dont like me in that way im still gonna be here, i mean always if you want me to-"

"I love you."

Benno was shook and Andi lungs were falling out.

"No-"

He opened his mouth to retort but Andi stopped him by kissing him in a very stiff way. A small trembling peck.

"I said I love you. I always had." he repeated looking away from his shyness wanting to sound confident. 

Benno needed a minute to actually realize how God must have awarded him that day.

He captured Andi's lips again but with more passion, leading him roughly and earning a muffled moan.

Benno was above him with his knee beetween Andi slightly parted legs, looking at him like a god.

"I want to make love to you." Benno confessed.

"I really do."

Andi covered his red face with his hands, he was going to drop a quite shameful bomb. Damn shyness.

"I-its okay.." He caressed Benno's cheek.

"You can."

Benno's lips curved in the most precious smile while he kissed Andi's forehead.


End file.
